Dressed To Kill
by QueenJasmin
Summary: When Eve and Varia go to tell Virgil and his family about Xena's death, they run into unexpected trouble at Meg's tavern.
1. Chapter 1

The bottom inches of Eve's loose, green pants were covered in mud, and her sandals were pinching her feet to the point that she could occasionally feel small drops of blood sliding down her soles, no doubt making tiny blood stains on the insides of her shoes. She glanced over at the horse she was guiding, the one Gabrielle gave her after settling into the Amazon village, and she considered briefly how relieving it would feel to sit atop her and ride to their destination, instead of irritating her dirty feet by walking on them farther. Elijians believed in living a life as want-free as any humans could be, so she pushed these thoughts out of her head. She might have wanted to ride atop the horse, but it would have been unfair, since that meant Varia would have to walk on foot on her own.

Eve had, of course, offered to let Varia ride the horse, either by herself, or behind her; but Varia adamantly declined and said she wouldn't mind if Eve climbed on without her. Eve suspected Varia had some sort of fear of horses, but she didn't think it polite to bring up.

"I still can't believe you don't travel with any weapons at all," Varia said, easily walking along in her comfortable and battle-ready Amazon shoes.

"What would I need with weapons?" Eve asked, slightly laughing at Varia's obvious struggle to understand life without physical conflict.

"Well, you know, in case you get attacked by someone. I mean, you used to be Livia, conqueror of Rome, and you traveled a bunch with Xena and Gabrielle. Someone somewhere is plotting your death."

"Maybe they are," Eve smiled. "And when death comes I'll accept it, peacefully. Without rage or violence."

"You know that peace and love stuff isn't going to do you a lot of good when you're left cold and bloodless on some trail someday."

Eve shrugged, "We'll see."

"How long till we get to this place anyway?" Varia asked.

"It's only about one more hour away," Eve said, then added, "You know, it'd probably be a lot faster if we both got on Aggie, here" and patted the horse's back.

"You named her?" Varia asked, her eyebrows and corners of her mouth raised in amusement.

"Well, yeah," Eve said defensively. "Why wouldn't I? I named her after my old nanny when I was little." Eve smiled remembering her childhood in Rome. "She used to make me stew and read me the reports she stole off Octavius's desk that detailed all the recent massacres in the area."

Her smile fell after a second of pondering. "You know now that I'm thinking about it, that was kind of fucked up."

"Yeah I think a lot of your childhood was fucked up," Varia said. "But mine was too I guess."

"Yeah, sorry about that," Eve said. A spit-inducing laugh burst out of Varia. She couldn't believe Eve would have the balls to reference something Varia almost once killed her for.

"I'm good, though," Varia said. "I'm enjoying the walk."

Eve was pretty sure that was a lie and silently cursed to herself.

When an hour had passed and the two arrived at Virgil's home, Eve collapsed on the first bench she saw that sat outside Meg's Tavern after tying Aggie to a post. Varia stood above her, hands on her hip, clearly not as tired as Eve.

"This is it?" Varia asked. "Shouldn't we go in or something?"

"Just give me a minute," Eve said, taking off her sandals to reveal her bloody feet.

"Dear gods," Varia gasped. "How do you travel with those?"

"I don't usually," Eve grimaced. "I bought these in Chin right before I left. Just haven't broken them in yet."

"Well that's a relief," Varia said as she sat down next to Eve. "I thought maybe that was another thing about your religion or something. Self-inflicted pain by shoe."

Eve laughed. "Hey before we go in there, there's something you should know."

"The thing about how you killed the dad of this family? Gabrielle told me before we left."

"No," Eve said. "Not that. See, Virgil's mother kind of looks like-"

Eve was interrupted when the door to Meg's Tavern busted open, revealing the woman that Eve was just about to warn Varia about.

"-my mother," Eve finished, though she knew she didn't have to. The likeness Meg had to Xena was uncanny, and Varia sat wide-eyed with her mouth seemingly stuck open.

Meg wore the same tattered, loose clothing Eve had last seen her in when her, Xena, and Gabrielle had stayed at the family's house for a few weeks, resting from their mighty battle with the now deceased Gods of Olympus. Her hair was a mess and her raspy voice was still yelling something to whomever was inside the building, most likely one of her children. Still, even with Meg's unkempt appearance and unpleasant demeanor, Eve couldn't help feeling a kick in her gut as she reminded her so much of her beautiful mother.

"God that is freaky," Varia whispered, helping Eve to snap out of her brief feelings of grief and giggle at the Amazon's bewilderment.

"C'mon," Eve said, and pulled Varia up toward the cavern. "Meg!"

"Hey," Meg said, as she looked up to see Eve approaching her. As Eve reached to hug Meg with a huge smile on her face, Meg yelled back into the tavern. "Hey, Virgil! Evie's here!" and then accepted Eve's hug.

Like Virgil, Meg had forgiven Eve for the devastation she had brought to her family, and even sort of enjoyed her company. Eve had a calming energy and loving outlook on life that Meg was drawn to. Meg was also unaware of the exact nature of her husband's murder. After Virgil realized Eve would undoubtedly be a part of Xena and Gabrielle's life, and therefore his family's, he allowed his mother to be under the impression that Eve had killed Joxer incidentally in a battle, not purposefully out of hatred. This allowed Meg a better capacity for forgiveness, and helped soothe her pain.

"Eve!" Meg and Joxer's two youngest children came running out of the tavern with their arms out, running to hug Eve's waist. They had absolutely no knowledge of Eve's involvement in their father's death.

Virgil stepped out of the tavern, smiled while wiping his hands off with a cloth, and made his way over to Eve.

"How've you been?" He asked while wrapping his arms tightly around her.

"I've been better," Eve sighed, then gestured to Varia. "This is my friend, Varia. She's an Amazon."

"An Amazon, huh?" Meg rolled her eyes. "I wore more clothes when I was a hooker."

Varia looked down at her clothes and Eve noticed a slight scowl on her face.

"So what's up?" Virgil asked, still smiling. "Where are Xena and Gabrielle?"

Eve's face fell completely and her head drooped slightly toward that ground.

"That's kind of why we're here," she said in a softer voice than before. "I think we should go inside. Somewhere private."

As Eve and the family sat in Meg's bedroom discussing the unfortunate news Eve brought, Varia decided to sit out in the tavern and get a drink amongst the abundant Xena memorabilia. She drank her foamy booze while playing with the chakram coasters the bar was littered with. As an Amazon, she wasn't that well adjusted to normal civilian life, and thus her small tolerance for alcohol left her tipsy after a few big gulps of Meg's strong alcoholic concoction that was meant to serve people of more street experience. After a while, she began pretending the chakram coasters were just mini chakrams, and she threw them Xena-style at the wall to her own amusement.

"Hey beautiful," A scruffy man with a beer gut said, putting his hand in Varia's hair as he sat next to her at the bar.

"Hey ugly," Varia said as she put her drink down, and then promptly wrapped her hands around the man's throat, squeezing just until he let go of her hair. While he gagged and put his hands to his neck, either in an attempt to soothe it or protect it, Varia added, "Now get out of my face."

The man stood up and began to stagger away from Varia's place at the bar, but not without murmuring to himself, "Crazy bitch, wear more clothes if you don't want it."

Varia stood up and grabbed the back of the man's stained, ragged shirt.

After Eve told the family of her mother's recent death in Meg's bedroom, every person in the room became silent and damp in the eyes with grief. Every person except for Meg, of course, who's face was completely drenched in tears as she howled her sobs. Even with Meg's rough personal background and street-raised toughness, Eve could tell she was still a sensitive and an overtly emotional girl.

"She was my hero!" Meg cried.

"She still can be," Eve said, and reached out to rub Meg's thigh. "Just because she's not physically here anymore doesn't mean she's gone. She'll live on forever in your hear-"

Her speech about keeping Xena's memory alive was cut short by another loud, scream-like sob from Meg, and Virgil lifted up his mother by her waist and attempted to walk her to one of the doors. Meg abided for a few steps, then stopped again when she saw a portrait of Xena and Gabrielle that hung on her wall, and collapsed onto it to sob some more.

"Maybe we should avoid the tavern then," Virgil said and began pulling her to a different door, one that led into the rest of their family home and not the tavern that was decidedly dedicated to the warrior princess.

"No, no," Meg said through sniffles. "I need a drink."

Meg opened the door to the tavern as Varia was slamming two men's heads together.

"Oh shit," Eve sighed.


	2. Chapter 2

"Varia," Eve said once she made her way to the Amazon in the tavern, and put her hands on Varia's shoulders to stop her from going toward the men she had just flung to the other side of the room. "What are you doing? What happened?"

"Well, first I punched that one in the face," Varia slurred, pointing at the man that had first talked to her at the bar. "Then his buddy pulled out a knife and attacked me," she drunkenly pointed to the other man. "But it's all good Evie."

Varia put her right hand on Eve's face and caressed her cheek while starring into eyes that looked severely disappointed in her violence. "Please don't be mad," she said, then tried to soften Eve's mood by adding, "You're so pretty."

Eve blushed for a second and a small smile briefly appeared on her face, long enough for Varia to notice and know she wasn't in too much trouble for fighting in the tavern.

"Yeah don't be mad at her," Meg said, already behind the bar taking big gulps from the booze she served. "Those two guys have been in here before. They always harass my girls."

"I'll take care of them," Virgil said, then walked over to the men and dragged them out of the tavern without much effort, since Varia already weakened their ability to resist significantly. "Thanks for loosening them up, Varia."

"No problem," Varia sighed, plopping back down onto her seat. It was then that Eve noticed the large, deep cut on Varia's thigh that blood was freely flowing from.

"Dear gods," Eve gasped. "Varia, you have a huge gash here." Eve sat down next to Varia and placed her hand around Varia's cut trying to get a better look at it.

"Oh Zeus, that is a deep one," Virgil said, then quickly grabbed a piece of cloth for Eve to put around Varia's leg.

"Ow," Varia moaned as Eve put some pressure on the wound.

"I have to apply pressure to stop the bleeding," Eve said, while wrapping the cloth around Varia's thigh, then smiled up at her. "Be tough, Amazon."

"I am tough," Varia mumbled.

"She should probably lay down," Virgil said, placing his hand on Eve's shoulder. "I'll take you guys to one of the open rooms. You can stay there as long as you like."

"Thank you," Eve said, putting her hand on Virgil's and smiling up at him warmly.

Eve carried Varia into the room piggyback style. Not out of necessity, Varia could still walk on her leg even if she had a slight limp, just out of fun. The two giggled over Varia's horrid rendition of an old Amazon folk tune as they entered, and Eve walked up to the bed and dropped Varia down on it, then sat at the edge herself. Still laughing, Varia looked around the room to see various whips, handcuffs, and gags lining the walls. As Eve was taking off her shoes, she then noticed the bed they were sitting on was heart-shaped, and the table next to it supported a large bottle of wine.

"Wait," Varia said, her eyebrows furrowed and her eyes narrowed. "What kind of an inn is this?"

Eve smiled to herself and laughed as she said, "It's a whore house."

"What?" Varia sat straight up and scooted to the edge of the bed with Eve. "Is that what Meg meant when she said 'her girls' earlier?"

"Don't worry," Eve said, and rubbed Varia's thigh. "Meg has marked off this room to not bring any customers into. It's just us. You don't have to turn any tricks tonight." After a second of silence, she jokingly added, "I don't have enough dinars on me anyway."

"Gods, the whole thing just grosses me out though," Varia said. "Why would a woman want to objectify herself like this?"

"You can objectify yourself doing any customer service," Eve replied. "These women are just trying to survive with what they have. It's not our job to judge them."

"You Elijians believe in servicing people, right? Does practicing prostitution count as spiritual enlightenment?"

Eve laughed. "For me, no. Eli encouraged a life as free of lust and desire as one can be, so I wouldn't engage in the practice for that reason. I wouldn't want to personally condone such lustful living. But if it's what someone else chooses to do, and as long as they're not hurting others, I will not stand in their way."

"I just can't imagine doing that to my body. Allowing some greasy, misogynistic man to touch me for money."

"Well like I said, you don't have to turn any tricks tonight. Or ever if you don't want," Eve said, then added, "Though we could use some money."

Eve laughed at her own joke so hard she even snorted a little bit, so Varia slapped her across the arm.

"You're not funny," Varia said.

"Yes I am," Eve was still laughing uncontrollably at herself. Varia then laid back down onto the bed, face up, and saw something even more disturbing.

"Ewww. Why is there a mirror on the ceiling?"

Virgil sat outside on a bench and attempted to write poetry in a semi-used scroll that he had written at least 10 love poems in early that week, but his poetic and romantic thoughts were drowned out with sorrow over the loss of Xena. Her strength and wisdom had inspired Virgil greatly in the short two years that he'd known her, and even though he hadn't seen Xena with any frequency, he hated knowing he never would again. The only person he could think of that had greater influence over his life's journey was his father, Joxer the Mighty. Having both of them out of his life permanently inspired a loneliness and unknowingness that hung over Virgil even as he sat outside on such a beautiful day like this one.

His admiration for Xena, though, he knew, was nothing compared to the love Gabrielle had had for her. After losing his father he understood what true pain felt like, and he hated knowing that Gabrielle was going through that at that very moment.

He put down his scroll and bent over to pick up a blank one so he could write a letter to Gabrielle. He hoped he could arrange some sort of meeting with her, just so he could hug her and be there to listen to everything she needed to say to someone. As he was bending, a tall, curvy shadow emerged over him.

"Hey there, handsome," the beautiful Lucia said to him.

Virgil clumsily dropped the scroll he had reached down to get and he sat up as straight as he could, attempting to correct whatever belly rolls Lucia might have just seen while he was bent over.

"Heeeyyy, Lucia," Virgil said, trying to act casual as he stretched his arms to show off his muscles. He was suddenly aware of the fact that he was shirtless in front of her. He could feel his cheeks becoming hotter and prayed they weren't obviously red out in the bright, cloudless daylight.

"What's up?" Lucia asked. A simple enough question, but as usual, seeing a flash of Lucia's perfectly straight, white teeth as she grinned with her plump, red lips made Virgil as flustered as if she had just caught him with his hand down his pants.

"Oh, nothing," Virgil smiled, as he grabbed and scrunched up the scroll with his poetry that sat beside him. He was worried that Lucia might glance over and see the poems that referenced her light auburn hair and bright green eyes; or worse, the poems that referenced her perky cleavage that always spilled out slightly above the tight dresses she wore and her small waste that Virgil wanted to wrap his hands around every time he saw her. He held up the blank scroll as he smashed the poetry back into his bag. "Just about to write a letter."

"Oh, who to?" Lucia asked bubbly, as she nudged Virgil to the side of the bench so she could sit down next to him.

"Um," Virgil staggered as he felt Lucia's shoulder brushing up against his. "A friend of mine. She, uh, just loss someone that was very important to her. Very important to me too, but, uh, mostly her. I mean, uh, our friend was more important to her than she was to me. Oh that sounds disrespectful. She was extremely important to me. Like really. Just not as much, you know?

"I understand," Lucia laughed slightly. "You loved her, but this other girl just had a closer relationship with her."

"Right," Virgil said excitedly. "Yeah, you totally get it. 'Cause the other girl, she was like in love with our friend. Like in love. They were like practically married or something. Which I'm totally cool with, by the way. I mean, I know you've done stuff with women before and I think that's like totally great. I mean, not great like it's better. But great like it's just as fine as only being with men, you know? Love is love. Or sex is sex. Or whatever it is that you do."

Virgil was stammering like an idiot and he knew it. He had never felt quite this awkward before but there was something about Lucia that made him automatically embarrassed. Between her overwhelming beauty and her sexual experience from 2 years of working at his mother's Inn, he felt unsuited to court her the way he wanted to. He wanted to write her poetry, bring her flowers, but didn't think she was interested in him as anything more than a friend; nor was he sure she was interested in having anyone as more than a friend. While he hated to stereotype, prostitutes weren't known for their longing for romance and commitment.

Luckily for him, Lucia just giggled at his embarrassing out loud stumble through thoughts, and didn't appear to find his last statement about 'whatever it is that she does' offensive.

"Well I'm sorry for your loss," she said, then patted his back and placed her head on his shoulder. "Even if your loss isn't as much as some other girl's loss."

Virgil laughed at Lucia's comment and hoped that she couldn't somehow hear his heartbeat through this shoulder.

Lucia then asked about the person Virgil and this "other girl" lost, and he told her all about Xena. She seemed sincerely interested in the stories he told about meeting her, traveling with her and Gabrielle, converting Eve to a life of peace and love, etc. After a while, Virgil stopped stammering and putting his foot in his mouth, and he started reminiscing about Xena, and even a little bit about his father, to Lucia comfortably, without any fear of rejection. It felt nice to talk to someone like that, someone that could just be a listening ear.

When it seemed like Virgil was out of stories to tell, Lucia sat back up.

"I better get back to work," She said as she stood and turned around to look at Virgil, then added with a smile, "Got to get those dinars, you know?"

Virgil smiled back at her, "Yeah I know."

He wanted her to stay. He wanted to get his right hand tangled in her hair as he slowly kissed her lips, and then pull her close to him with his left hand on her hip; but he knew that wasn't going to happen. She was at Meg's tavern to make money and start a life for herself, not get romanced by some guy in tight leather pants that still lived with his mother.

As he considered all of this, and starred at Lucia's beauty as long as he could before she turned around, he hadn't noticed the man coming up from behind her. When the man grabbed Lucia and put a knife to her throat, Virgil was too slow to stop him.

"Hey," The man said in a harsh, raspy voice to Virgil as he tightened his grip on Lucia. "Try to save her and I slit her throat right here."

While Virgil was beginning to recognize him as the beer-gutted man that Varia had kicked the ass of in the tavern earlier, three more men appeared out of what seemed like nowhere and pointed swords to Virgil's neck. Then about five more armed men stood intimidatingly behind Lucia and her attacker.

Goddamn, I have got to be more aware of my surroundings, he thought.

"That woman that was in your tavern earlier," the man began.

"The one that kicked your ass?" Lucia interrupted.

The man tightened his grip on the knife and pressed in closer to her throat.

"Listen here, bitch," he continued. Virgil looked to Lucia, and was surprised to see her lips snarled and her eyebrows narrowed, a look of disgust and anger instead of fear. He realized she must have been in the tavern earlier, she must have seen this man act so aggressively toward Varia, something Lucia had always been hard to. "I am the Warlord, Cedric, and you better behave yourself around me, little whore."

"Cedric? Who?" Virgil asked, not out of purposeful attitude or belittlement, but out of genuine confusion.

"He's killed more men than you could even imagine," one of the minions with his sword pointed to Virgil replied.

Virgil thought that if Lucia hadn't had a knife so close to her throat, she would have some snarky reply.

"Anyway," Cedric continued. "I wasn't talking about that one. I was referring to the other bitch. Livia, or Eve, or whatever she's calling herself now. I recognize her from her reign in Rome, and now she's the Messenger of the Elijians. I know a lot of people that would pay a lot of money to see her head on a platter. Out of revenge, or religious purposes, I don't care. But you bring her to me, tied and gagged, and I'll let your little slut here go."

"We won't ever let you have Eve," Virgil said.

"You have tomorrow to make up your mind. We'll be back at sunrise the next day. If you don't hand over the Messenger then, I guess you'll just be letting this pretty one die." And at that, Virgil was hit in the head by one of Cedric's minions with the handle of a sword, and left unconscious hanging over the bench.


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey," Varia said loudly, nudging Virgil with her foot. "Hey."

Virgil groggily opened his eyes, only to see Varia standing upside down in front of him. Feeling the blood in his head, he realized he was the one upside down, still drooped over the bench he was left at; and he turned over to plop himself upright onto the soft ground.

"What happened?" He asked, rubbing his eyes and squinting up at Varia who was standing almost directly in front of the sun.

"You tell me," Varia said, and sat down onto the now empty bench. "I came out here and you were just hanging on this bench. Thought you were dead at first. You don't remember how you got here?"

Virgil squinted his eyes more as his brows furrowed in concentration.

"Um," He said. "I remember Lucia…"

Varia saw Virgil's eyes widen and watched as he began stuttering his remembrance.

"The man, that man, the one in the tavern!" He stammered, then turned to look Varia in the eye. "We have to get Eve! She's in danger!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Varia said, and placed her hands on Virgil's shoulders as the two stood up. "Start from the beginning. What happened?"

"I can't believe you don't remember his name," Varia yelled as her and Virgil walked into the tavern. "He kidnapped some girl, wants to kill Eve, and you can't even remember the guy's name?"

"Ok first of all," Virgil put his hands on his hips as they approached the bar. "It was a very stressful time for me. It's completely understandable to forget the name of the man that is threatening to kill two of your friends. I'm sure people do it all the time."

Varia rolled her eyes.

"And second of all, that 'some girl' happens to be a really good friend of mine and we are going to get her back."

"We'll try," Varia said and gestured to the bartender to get her a drink.

"No no no," Virgil said sternly. "We're getting her back. Not trying, getting."

"Look," Varia decided she should try to be sensitive, though it was never really a strength of hers. "I'm sorry that your friend was taken. I really am. I understand more than anyone how bad it feels to not be able to protect someone you love. But if it comes down to saving Eve, the messenger of Eli, or your friend, a hooker in a sleazy inn, guess which one I choose."

"Fuck you, Varia," Virgil said.

Apparently Varia's attempt at sensitivity was a bust.

"Look, I said we'd try right?" Varia took a swig of her beer. "It'd be a lot more helpful if you could just remember the guy's freaking name."

Virgil put his hands to his head as he tried to focus.

"Cecil?... No. Ceithin?... No. Cillian?... No."

Varia rolled her eyes again as Virgil rattled off more names.

"Was it Cedric?" Meg chimed in from behind the bar.

"Yes," Virgil said excitedly. "How did you know that?"

"The Warlord Cedric," Meg explained. "He comes in here all the time. Varia kicked his butt earlier."

"You knew he was a warlord?" Varia asked.

"Hey, I just serve these people," Meg shrugged. "It's not my place to judge. Now, what's this I overheard while I was eavesdropping about a kidnapping?"

"He took Lucia," Virgil said.

"And he wants to kill Eve," Varia added.

"Oh jeez," Meg said and put down the cup she had been pretending to clean. "Well what are we going to do?"

"I don't know yet," Varia said. "Meg, what else do you know about him?"

"Well, he's a pompous asshole. Comes in here, gets drunk off his ass, and brags about how many people he's killed. I think he's making some of it up, if I'm being honest."

"Is that it?"

"I can show you where him and his buddies set up camp," Meg stepped outside of the bar and grabbed the stick she used for walking long distances.

"You can?" Varia asked.

"Yeah, he paid a couple of our girls to go over once for 'late night entertainment.' Me and Alek," Meg gestured to the buff bartender behind the counter, "went down to make sure him and his buddies didn't do anything too fucked up to the ladies. Also, they had a pretty good buffet."

"Virgil," Varia said. "You go with your mom to find the camp. If you can safely, I want you to take any weapons from them that you can find. I have a plan, but we'll need arms."

"You got it," Virgil said.

Eve sat cross-legged on the floor of her and Varia's room. She slowly raised her bowed head to look at the other meditating women in front of her.

"You guys are naturals," Eve smiled.

The women looked up and grinned at Eve in admiration.

"I only wish we could have found Lucia," One girl in the circle said.

"Yeah, she would have enjoyed this," Another chimed in.

"Well if we do another meditation circle soon, she's welcome to join," Eve said happily, pleased that the women of Meg's Inn were so willing to embark on their own spiritual journeys with her. "And even after I'm gone, you all can teach any of your sisters these same techniques."

"Ahem," Varia said from the doorway.

"Do you wish to join us, Varia?" Eve said, beaming up at her.

"Maybe some other time," Varia fibbed as she walked through the door. "Eve, I need to talk to you alone."

"Oh," Eve said, and turned back to her group of women in the room. "If you ladies could excuse us."

The women stood up, hugged Eve goodbye, and walked out of the door.

"What's up?" Eve said, walking over to greet the Amazon.

"The Warlord Cedric wants you dead," Varia said.

"A lot of people want me dead." Eve giggled and shrugged. "What makes this guy special?"

"Cedric is one of the men I fought in the tavern earlier. He saw you and now he's keeping some girl named Lucia hostage unless we deliver you hand you over."

Eve's eyes widened.

"Lucia, that's the girl the other women couldn't find. By the gods, we have to save her."

"Yeah, we're working on it," Varia said as she sat down on the bed, putting her head in her hands. "Virgil and Meg are at Cedric's camp now. I told him to gather any weapons he can find."

"Varia, I don't want to be the cause of any violence," Eve said and sat down next to Varia.

"Please don't offer to hand yourself over. I'm not dealing with the self-sacrificing thing right now."

"What other choice do we have? I won't have anyone die for me."

"No one's going to die," Varia grabbed Eve's hand.

"I guess the question is, 'What would my mother do?'" Eve put her head on Varia's shoulder; Varia put her arm around her and rubbed the side of Eve's head, playing with her hair a little bit.

"Don't worry," Varia said and kissed the top of Eve's head. "I have a couple ideas."

Virgil and Meg waited until the sun had set before approaching the Warlord Cedric's camp. In front of them they saw about 5 tents, each with their own bonfire.

"It's not so bad," Virgil whispered to his mother. "I mean, only 5 tents. Xena's gone up against much worse before."

"Xena's not going to help us," Meg whispered back.

Virgil sighed. "Let's just go see if we can find where they're keeping Lucia."

The two tiptoed into the camp, hiding behind various bushes and trees on the way. One tent, they noticed, was bigger than the rest. __Must be Cedric's__ , they thought, and made their way to it, careful to not let their shadows from the fire appear on the fabric of the tents.

Outside the large tent, squatting behind a table of food, Virgil and Meg found what they were looking for, and it pained them greatly.

"You're a pig," they heard Lucia say.

"Thank you," Cedric replied.

"She's in there," Virgil whispered.

"I know, I have ears," Meg said with a mouthful of food. "Now, let's get what Varia asked us to get."

"Or I can get Lucia now," Virgil said and started pulling out the sword he had put on his belt before the two left.

"Are you crazy?" Meg said, dropping the food she was holding and grabbing Virgil's arm. "Even if you do save her now, do you want to make Cedric and his men upset? They'll storm the entire tavern and take Eve, and whoever else they want, without hesitation."

"What if I kill Cedric?"

"This is still a camp full of men that want to profit of Eve's head," Meg said and took Virgil's sword from him. "Besides, you're no killer boy. You save every bug in the tavern before anyone else can smash it. You won't kill a man, even if it's Cedric. Now, let's get some weapons and get out of here."

Virgil and Meg arrived back at the tavern as quickly, carrying as many weapons as they could. Virgil held three swords between his two hands, along with his own that he kept in a sheath. Meg shoved four daggers into her large, baggy pockets, carried a bow and arrow set over her right shoulder, and two over-the-shoulder sheaths with swords over her left.

"How are you carrying all that?" Virgil asked, astonished with his mother.

"Years of petty theft gets you some skills," She replied.

They brought all their findings to Eve and Varia's room, and were surprised when they entered to see all seventeen girls that worked at Meg's Inn in the bedroom. Five were sitting on the bed, sewing with a speed the two had never seen before, ten were stretching in synch with one another at the direction of Eve, and two were discussing something with Varia.

"They're here," one of the girls on the bed said. Varia and Eve turned to look at them in the doorway.

"And they brought you girls new accessories," Varia said smiling, then walked to toward Virgil and Meg to take the weapons and place them on the floor in front of the bed.

"Well it looks like you all are getting busy," Meg said and turned to walk out the door. "I'll be at the bar if you need me."

"We need you now," Varia said and grabbed Meg's arm. "Do you have any sort of Xena costume or armor?"


	4. Chapter 4

Eve sat at a table in the tavern, picking at a burger while reading the scroll of Virgil's most recent poetry. She felt a hand being lightly placed on her shoulder, and turned her head to see Varia standing above her.

"Hey," Varia said softly.

"Hey," Eve said, and rolled up the scroll as Varia walked around the table to sit opposite her. "How's it going with the girls?"

"They're doing alright," Varia said, reaching across the table to hold and rub Eve's hand. "I still think you should leave or something."

"Varia," Eve sighed and pulled her hand away. "You know I can't do that. I need to be there for this idea to work, to trick Cedric like we planned."

"We could just attack," Varia pleaded. "I'm an Amazon, I know enough ways to destroy an enemy's threat. We won't even need to trick them. The second Cedric and his men come near the tavern, I know shit that will annihilate all of them. You can get out of here, and be protected from all of this."

"We agreed on this plan," Eve crossed her arms. "Because it does the least harm. I don't want anyone annihilated. I just want for Lucia to be away from those men."

"I'm sure she's a sweet girl, but I can't standing knowing that we're putting you in danger to protect her."

"And I can't stand knowing that I'm putting others in danger because you want to protect me. We do this my way, Varia. We kill no one and we bring Lucia back to her sisters."

"Sisters?" Varia said with a revolted grimace. "Amazons are sisters. Women that fight together against the control of men, not women that succumb to it to make a quick buck."

"All women are sisters," Eve said sternly. "And we're going to fight together." After a pause of reflected silence, she added, "Besides, when you break it down, Amazons and prostitutes aren't that different. They're all wearing impractically small outfits."

Varia's grimace turned into a grin as she giggled slightly.

"And Virgil loves this girl," Eve continued. "Have you read his poems? They're all about her."

"Lemme see," Varia took the scroll from Eve and unrolled it. "Her breasts were round and legendary like the rock of Sisyphus —Ok yeah, I'm not reading this."

Eve laughed and, with a huge smile, took the scroll back from Varia, "Some of the poems are really sweet, I promise."

"Well you know poetry's never been my thing," Varia said, standing up. "But I get your point. We'll get the girl back, save the tribe of scantily clad women, and try not to kill too many people. Then maybe at the end of the day, we can walk off with our horse into the sunset with the pride of a job well done."

"Sounds exactly like something my mother would do," Eve chuckled.

"And speaking of something your mother would do," Varia said while turning to walk out the door. "Gabrielle should be arriving any minute now."

"Oh Virgil, I'm so nervous," Meg said over the sound of Virgil's brush loudly detangling Meg's knotted hair.

"Don't worry, Ma," Virgil said, still working through the nest of hair, trying to get it to be at least semi-smooth. "You used to do stuff like this all the time. I read about it in Gabrielle's scrolls."

"Oh that was then, and this is now," Meg said, sniffling as she wiped some of the tears off her face. "I can't possibly act like Xena. She was a warrior, and I'm just a haggy ex-hooker that hasn't done a sit-up in a decade."

"Hey," Virgil put down his brush, walked around to face his mother, and knelt down in front of her, putting his hands on her shoulders. "You are a strong woman. You grew up on the street, worked alongside Xena and Gabrielle, and built a stable life for yourself against all obstacles. How many people do you know that take care of a family of three and run their own business by themselves? As far as I'm concerned, you are a warrior."

Meg sniffled a little bit more, but smiled up at her son. "Alright," she said. "Let's do this."

Ten yards in front of Meg's Tavern stood twenty-five scantily clad women, wearing heavy makeup and clothing that could be ripped off effortlessly. A few feet in front of them stood Eve, Virgil, and Varia, whose Amazon outfit was actually smaller than the sex workers that stood behind her. The group watched as Cedric and his fifteen men approached, pulling a tied and gagged Lucia with them, much to Virgil's evident disgust.

"Hello, whores," Cedric said with a smile on his smug face as him and his group of men came to a stop in front of the defiant group of women (and Virgil). "I see you're all out this morning. Looking for some clients? I'm sure my men will be happy to employ your services."

The workers glared at the warlord, while his men made grotesque moans of approval behind him.

"They only came to make sure Lucia is delivered unharmed," Varia said.

"And she will be," Cedric said. "As long as you deliver what we want. Are you ready to hand over the Bitch of Rome/goody-two-shoes nobody likes?"

"I'm ready," Eve said as she walked toward the men, then silently grumbled, "And plenty of people like me. You're the one nobody likes."

"What'd you say, dollface?" Cedric asked while grabbing Eve by the chin.

"Nothing," Eve said.

"Keep it that way," Cedric let go of Eve's face and pushed her into the group of men.

"C'mon, Cedric," Varia said. "We gave you what you asked for, now hand over Lucia."

"A deal's a deal," Cedric said, and took the knife out of the sheath on his belt. The women (and Virgil) watched as he cut the rope off Lucia. After she was freed from her ties, Lucia took the gag off herself and walked over to Varia and Virgil.

"We're not really going to let him take Eve are we?" Lucia whispered to the two.

"Just wait," Varia whispered back as Virgil wrapped his arms around Lucia in a relieved hug.

Cedric and his men turned to walk away, dragging Eve with them. Varia turned to the girls behind her and mouthed, Ready? They nodded.

"Amazons, attack!" Varia yelled, as the women behind her tore off their clothing, revealing their Amazonian outfits underneath.

Eight of Varia's Amazon sisters charged the men, attacking them with the Amazonian swords that had been carefully hidden beneath their costumes. Two more Amazons, highly skilled in archery, were perched in trees above the action, close enough to see the fight, but not close enough to be seen by anyone that wasn't looking for them. They began firing arrows at Cedric's soldiers, hitting only legs at the request of Eve for nonlethal injury.

The women of Meg's Inn carefully placed themselves within the fight. They had the costumes of Amazons, and the weapons Meg and Virgil had stolen from Cedric's camp; but the brief training Varia had given them could only allow narrow defenses against direct attacks. If Cedric and his men noticed their underwhelming fighting skills, it would be discovered that he wasn't fighting an army of twenty-five Amazons, but an army of eight Amazons and seventeen hookers. So they mostly crouched around, looking menacing, while holding their swords.

As the battle went on, with Varia fiercely protecting Eve, and Virgil fiercely protecting Lucia, the women (and Virgil) were gaining more and more power against Cedric's army. It appeared as though an overwhelming amount of Amazons were attacking his troupe, and the men began attempting retreats, some were even running away.

"They're all Amazons!" One man yelled.

"We're outnumbered!" Another cried.

"Amazons, stop!" A familiar voice yelled, as all the women halted in their attack, and Cedric's men froze in their confusion. From the tavern emerged a tall woman dressed in black leather and gold armor, carrying the sword and chakram of Xena, or at least what looked like it. Also walking out of the tavern was the woman always by Xena's side, the well-known Amazon Queen, Gabrielle.

"It's Xena, the warrior princess," One of Cedric's men gasped.

"That's right," Meg said, walking coolly and steadily toward Cedric and his men, trying to look sexy like the true Xena always did. Gabrielle walked beside her, but rolled her eyes at Meg's slow pace.

"This isn't a theater production," Gabrielle whispered. "Just get on with it."

Meg quickened her speed and walked as close to Cedric as she could without revealing the gray hair and wrinkles that didn't match Gabrielle's frozen-for-twenty-five-years youthfulness that Xena should have also had.

"Now, look here buddy," Meg said as Gabrielle cringed at her use of the word buddy. "I'm a bad woman, a real bad woman, that's killed tougher men than you. All but two of the Olympian gods for that matter. So if you don't want to see my wrath, my terror, you and your men better get the hell away from my daughter. Or else." Meg pointed her Xena-replicate sword at Cedric as Gabrielle reached into her boots to pull out her sais.

"And if you don't want my Amazons to take out these men," Gabrielle said. "And anyone else working for you, you better retreat now."

"How do I know you're the real Xena," Cedric said, with Meg's sword gently touching his neck. "And not that hag that runs this tavern? You two look pretty similar I've heard."

"No, look at her hair," One of the men behind Cedric said. "Meg's is all ratty and stuff. Hers looks smoother."

"Oh shit, you're right," Cedric said with a scrunched and angry face. "Alright, I'll pull back my men and leave your daughter alone, but I'm gonna be on the lookout for you, Xena. You better not come around me when I have my full army. I imagine the price on your head is even higher than your sleazy daughter's."

"And you better not come around this tavern anymore," Meg said as she brought her sword back off Cedric's neck. "You reek all the time and you don't tip very well. Or so I've heard, you know, from people that work here. That I'm very close with and protective over, by the way."

"We won't be back," Cedric huffed, then gathered his men and turned back toward camp. The women (and Virgil) watched as they limped away.

"God he was really stupid," Lucia sighed once the men were out of hearing distance. "He really thinks that's Xena because her hair is combed?"

"They're all stupid, sweetie," Meg said as the pulled off the heavy breastplate that had been severely hurting her back the entire performance. "Every last one of 'em."

"Well that's not entirely true," Gabrielle said smiling as she reached over to put her arms around Meg for the first time since her arrival. The two gushed and reminisced with each other as the rest of the girls congratulated themselves on a job well done.

"I've never been in a real fight like this before," One of the girls said. "It's invigorating. Hey, are you Amazons taking recruits at all?"

Varia grabbed Eve's arm and pulled her in for a tight embrace.

"Your plan worked," Eve said with her head on Varia's shoulder.

"Thank God," Varia said as the two pulled back to look at each other. "I don't know what I would have done if you would have been hurt."

"Probably just go back to being Amazon royalty and forget you ever started traveling with the goody-two-shoes that nobody likes."

Varia laughed, "Not a chance."

"It sucked saying goodbye to everyone again," Eve said. "You know, seeing Gabrielle and Virgil and Meg once more, then just leaving. I guess that's the life of the traveler though. That's what we are now, travelers."

"We're like Xena and Gabrielle," Varia said.

"No, we're like Eve and Varia,"

"Yeah. Or Varia and Eve, but whatever."

"Shut up," Eve laughed and jokingly pushed Varia's shoulder.

"Hey there, pacifist," Varia smiled.

"Do you think you'll miss being an Amazon? Living with your tribe?"

"Maybe sometimes, but I like being with you. Hearing your lovey-dovey philosophies on life, watching you extend compassion to everyone around you, fighting bad guys. That's a good way to live."

"There's no such thing as bad guys,"

"See, like that. Compassion, lovey-dovey nonsense. That's what I'm keeping you around for."

"I'm just glad I don't have to travel with those awful shoes anymore," Eve said and kicked her feet up to show the new footwear the women and Meg's tavern gifted her. "These are much better. Those women are like masters at creating stuff. And how quickly they put together those Amazon outfits to disguise themselves and the prostitute outfits to disguise the Amazons. You gotta admit, those are some pretty kick ass ladies."

"Yeah, they were pretty cool," Varia confessed. "And I'm glad you're comfy. It's going to be a long journey."

Eve smiled at Varia as the two guided Aggie away from the tavern, into the sunset.


End file.
